I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
