you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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