u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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