I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
