Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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