Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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