So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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