i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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