Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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