apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
