he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
