i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
