why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
i drank out of a bidet.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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