Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
