someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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