I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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