She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
