I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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