Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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