I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
