Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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