I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
