If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
