Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
