Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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