fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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