she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
