Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
