Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
