I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Well I just put wine in my tea
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
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