when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
