I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
