every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
