90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize