kristin has been a bad kristin
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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