i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
