mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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