If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
