Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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