So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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