I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Randomize
