I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
