I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
My vagina is very pro this idea
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
