I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize