Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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