remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize