you have to choose: penises or morals?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
