Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
