Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I stole a fireplace last night.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
