i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
