I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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