Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
