the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
