I seem to have left my pride at pride
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
