she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
