Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
