I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
