I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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