Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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