Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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