I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize