Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
