I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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