plz talk dirty to me
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
