I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
