TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
everyone is single if you try hard enough
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
