Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
operation harelip BJ is a go
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
