you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
